WHY LOVE

Why We Should Love More

I wrote this blog article as in counselling it is largely about relationship issues. About being hurt, upset about the way being treated, confused on how to go forward or trying to nut out how to keep a sense of loving thyself. I would be lying if I didn’t say these issues have confronted me also in my life experiences, from my feelings about my parents, family and friends. But hopefully I have learnt along the way about love.

LOVE

We can hold it back, we can divide our love so we love this person more and that person less, we can refuse love or be frightened of it when it is offered, reject it or just take it for granted but love in the end is all we have.

You can’t see it like possessions, you can’t buy it, you can’t add it up or weigh it but you can feel it if you let it in or extend it freely to others.

You can love someone that annoys you as you feel something, you can love the baker, the shop keeper, your work colleagues, your boss. You can love the person you thought your enemy. Hate as the opposite, it does not understand or give. It takes. 

Love is in the mind, it’s not sickly or gooey, it’s proud, it’s strong and resilient when tested. It does not need saying all the time in words. It can be expressed by not saying something, listening says it, it can be said by just being beside someone, a gift of space, a gesture, a present, a card, a text, a thought held. And then there is physical love of touch that releases beautiful mind chemicals of happiness and bonding. Love lives in the mind. It is its home.

Your family and friends need more love despite the differences that sometimes divide and finding new ways to navigate those differences takes courage. Be brave. Trust me on that. Love can still have boundaries and sometimes it needs boundaries to protect it.

Give it freely, accept it with appreciation, hold it and think of it as treasure. As humans on the planet together it is all we have that makes us all the same. There is no rich or poor with love as you can’t buy it. We can all have the same if we want. All we have to do is let it be free to release it in the air. 

And here is why love is so important. 

In the end we all die. 

Gerry North, psychotherapist treating depression, anxiety, addictions, panic attacks and couple relationships. Email: gerrynorthcounsellor@gmail.com

WHAT IS A TRUE SHARING RELATIONSHIP

I know of couples that have been together for many years and still do not have a shared bank account. So how much do you financially share in a relationship? Well you could have a joint bank account for commonly used goods, like food and holidays. There are definite positive emotional outcomes for couples sharing money and paradoxically a sense of separation when not doing so. It also stops unintended financial bullying. What did that cost???

Ah but what about the risk? Well life is full of risk and without it life is pretty safe and dull. I feel it is important to lessen financial imbalances in a relationship and couples need to work at this so they both feel equal. It is not uncommon for one partner to be better off than the other. What seems important is to share common things so if you move into another’s home for instance, pay reasonable rent. Share, and expect others to share common expenses, and emotionally you will feel more equal, more connected.

Sharing the things that need to be done and organized also makes couples feel equal. If you are both working professionally obviously getting a cleaner in prevents many resentment squabbles over those jobs. Who in your relationship pays the bills, buys food, arranges social events, plans holidays, fixes things, cleans the car and rings mutual friends? If it is only you then equality is not happening.

I know these doing things might seem petty but in the long run the more you share the more your will feel connected emotionally. You might have to challenge your control freak bias but it is important to let the other do more. They might never truly know how much you do anyway. So how do you go about sharing more without having a big row over who does what all the time?

I find having a suggestion jar where couples write down things they want to discuss for later is a good way to start. Having regular times to sit down with a cuppa, or a glass of wine, makes light of these sharing ideas. Having a set time to discuss sharing ideas stops having an argument every time resentment builds up about doing more than the other. Once the suggestion is in the jar a sense of relief takes place where the issue will be sorted out at a later set date.

May I also suggest using “I’ statements when discussing ideas. “I find doing the shopping all the time really boring and would like some help with that.” This is better than saying, “You never ever do the shopping.” The way we organise words is powerful.

Sharing in a relationship results in a sense of equality, self-respect and mutual understanding. Inequalities manifest in emotional separation at a deeper level. So be brave and start sharing more. Using a suggestion jar could launch your relationship into greater adventures and new worlds.

 

 

 

These are my keywords for your search to find my practice in Central London.

Psychotherapy London

Marriage Counselling London

Anxiety London

Psychotherapy Central London

Depression Counselling / help London

Relationship Counselling London

Couples Counselling London.

 

 

 

PREVENTING ALZHEIMER’S WITH WALKING

Research has shown the enormous health benefits of mild to moderate exercise, especially for those over forty. 30 minutes exercise four times a week has enormous benefits. Walking is a mild to moderate easy exercise that can greatly help you to not only improve your fitness but also prevent Alzheimer’s early onset. Walking is also extremely valuable with reducing anxiety and depression symptoms.

But none of us wants that Alzheimer’s shocker!

IMPORTANCE TO MOVE BLOOD AROUND BODY

When you exercise you promote the movement of blood to all areas of the body, including your brain. Tiny blood vessels are opened up and filled with oxygen, giving life to surrounding cells. After exercise you also feel great because warm, fuzzy and happy brain chemicals have been released into your system. Our bodies are made to move from ancient times, however modern luxury life has made us sedentary beings.

WALKING AND TALKING

Talking while you walk has great therapeutic benefits as well. The act of body motion and talking creates the free flowing of ideas and thoughts, called streams of consciousness. When walking and talking you free yourself to express, with others, your innermost thoughts, while the brain is being stimulated with happy chemicals. Take a look at people walking together and talking constantly. Great stuff!

Go on call a friend to walk with you 4 times a week for 30 – 40 minutes. It’s lovely thing to do first thing in the morning or at dusk. You might have to get up half an hour earlier but you will love it. You will talk freely as you walk without direct eye contact and in the rhythm of movement. We can help each other’s mental health as well by allowing our friend to freely talk about their lives and ours.

Walking therapy – fitness building and improving mental health at the same time.

It’s a win/win no brainer – pun intended.